No Reason to Go On
by Lavenderangel
Summary: Seniores have the life, don't they? Well, not Ross Geller. His life keeps getting worse and worse. Finally, it all becomes to much, and he starts slitting his wrists, thinking that no one cares about him... (will eventually be R+R)
1. Default Chapter

No Reason to Go On  
  
Prologue: Just this once.  
  
The door slammed loudly behind him, making the two girls jump in surprise.  
  
"Hey Geek face!" Monica Geller greeted her 17-year-old brother from her spot on the couch where her best friend, Rachel Green was busy painting her nails for her.  
  
"Mmm," Ross muttered, barely glancing in the girl's direction.  
  
"Hi, Ross," Rachel usually got Ross's attention, but not today. He did glance her way for a second, but nothing more.  
  
"How'd it go with Caitlin?" Monica asked, waving her freshly painted hand in the air to make the blue polish dry faster.  
  
"Bad." This was the first time Ross had really spoken since he'd entered.  
  
"Oh?" Monica grinned. "How bad?"  
  
"She broke up with me."  
  
Monica was positively beaming now. "Oh, too bad!"  
  
Ross sighed, but did nothing else except walk upstairs and away from his sisters teasing.  
  
Ross sighed again, but in annoyance this time as he walked into the bathroom that he was forced to share with Monica. It was a mess, makeup cluttering the counters, along with candy bar and other assorted junk food rappers of all kinds.  
  
Ross opened the medicine cabinet, which he'd designated his. He reached inside, and pulled out one of the few objects inside. The small pocketknife had been a present for his 16th birthday, and Ross had found no use for it, until now.  
  
His life was all becoming to much. It was his senior year of high school, and he was probably the only guy who wasn't being fawned over by the lower- class girls. Caitlin, his now Ex-girlfriend had been a junior along with his sister. She'd moved to New York from Arizona over the summer, and her and Ross had really hit it off.  
  
But once the school year had begun, Caitlin had been growing more and more distant from Ross. The night before, he'd found her out with Nick Parker, a surly football player. Ross hadn't been angry with Caitlin, just upset. He'd never kept a steady Girlfriend, and at this rate, Ross doubted he ever would.  
  
After school that day, Caitlin had confronted Ross. They'd broken up in front of the entire track team, which Ross had joined at the start of the school year. He'd been wanting to impress Caitlin, but not only her. A certain blond who was currently sitting in his living room watched the track team everyday. It practiced at the same time as the cheerleading squad, which Rachel was a part of, did, but track went longer. Lately, Ross had actually got to talk to Rachel a little bit, but she hadn't watched today. Ross was thankful for this, at least she hadn't seen him be humiliated.  
  
This didn't take Ross's mind off the knife in his hand, however. Placing his left arm on the counter, he slowly lowered the blade to his soft flesh. He paused for a moment, shivering slightly as the cold metal touched his skin. But he soon got over this, and slid the sharp object over his skin. The pain seemed almost relieving to him, and he quickly moved his arm over the sink to let the blood trickle into it.  
  
After making three uneven slashes, he switched arms, repeating the process. After this was done, he removed any evidence of it ever happening, and went to his room to put on a sweatshirt to hide the cuts that he himself had inflicted. This was a one time thing, after all, there was no reason for anyone to find out, was there?  
  
Ross had thought so at the time.  
  
[A/N  
  
Okay, this is just the prologue, so that's why it's so short. It'll eventually be R&R. they've always been my favorite (  
  
Well, thanks for reading! Your comments or suggestions would be great!  
  
Thanks again!  
  
L_angel] 


	2. Part1: The Wrong Thing to Say

No Reason To Go on  
  
Chapter 1: the Wrong Thing to Say.  
  
The track team completed it's final lap around the field for that day with Ross at the rear. Cheers from the watching cheerleaders were heard, and Ross's cheeks reddened as he saw Rachel watching him.  
  
"Pick up the pace!" She called to him, as the faster runners reached the starting point once again.  
  
Ross tried his best to do so, but only succeeded in passing one or two of the 20 or so boys in front of them.  
  
"Okay, hit the showers!" The coach called once everyone had gotten back. "Geller, stay." Ross turned from where he'd been heading towards the showers to face his coach.  
  
"Yes, sir?" He asked, wiping sweat from his face.  
  
"Your speed's been terrible lately!" The cheerleaders watched with interest from behind them, Ross flinching as he saw Rachel among them.  
  
"I-I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.  
  
"Either lose some weight, or lose your spot on the team." Though he hadn't meant to, he'd just made Ross's self-a steam drop a notch lower; if that was possible.  
  
"Yes, Coach," Ross nodded.  
  
"Good. Now, hit the showers!" The coach gave Ross an affection it punch on the arm, making Ross wince. He'd just slit his wrists in that spot that morning, and the wound was still tender.  
  
"Hey, Ross!" Ross hefted his backpack up more on his shoulder and turned to look at the person who had called him.  
  
Rachel was still on the track field, brushing her hair casually and reading People Magazine. "I'm going to your house. Do you wanna walk home?"  
  
Ross's heart gave a little leap of excitement. "Uh, sure!" He said quickly.  
  
The two walked through the falling leaves in silence, Rachel trying hard to keep her teeth from chattering. "So, you sleeping over again tonight?"  
  
Ross's unexpected question made Rachel jump slightly. "Oh, maybe. I was just coming over for dinner, Mon invited me."  
  
Ross glanced in her direction for a moment. "You cold?" He pulled off his Lincoln High sweatshirt, and aquarelle draped it around Rachel's shoulders, leaving his own arms bare and exposed.  
  
"Thanks," Rachel smiled gratefully at him.  
  
They walked the rest of the way to the Geller's in silence, Ross trying desperately to hide his wrists from Rachel.  
  
"Hi, Rach!" Monica greeted them at the door, barely giving Ross a second glance. "Guess what? That new guy in the Science club called for me today!" Ross watched the two girls run off, Rachel forgetting to take off his sweatshirt.  
  
Ross sighed again, and turned on the TV.  
  
He could concentrate on it however, with the shrieks and giggles coming from upstairs. He finally reached over and turned it off, heading upstairs himself.  
  
Monica's bedroom door was closed as he walked by, and he heard talking from inside. He was about to walk onto his own room when he heard his own name come up in the conversation.  
  
".Isn't that Ross's sweatshirt?"  
  
"Yeah, I was cold, so." Rachel sounded like she didn't want to talk about it.  
  
"I still can't believe he joined the track team!" Monica said, and it sounded like she'd started eating something while still speaking.  
  
"I know." Ross didn't want to hear anymore.  
  
Instead, he escaped to the safety and piece of his room.  
  
"Kids, dinner!" Ross jumped at his mother's voice sometime later.  
  
He walked downstairs just behind the girls, nearly bumping into Rachel several times.  
  
His mother had ordered pizza, but Ross forced himself not to eat very much. I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight. I need to.  
  
"Hey Ross, could you pass the milk?" Ross jumped at his sister's question.  
  
"Huh.? Oh, sure!" He reached over and slid the milk carton over to him, almost not hearing the gasp from beside him.  
  
He turned sharply to see Rachel, who was sitting on his right staring at his arm in shock.  
  
"How'd that happen?" She asked quietly, so as not to alert the rest of the Geller's.  
  
"I-I dropped my razor while shaving this morning," Ross lied quickly.  
  
"Oh, that's all," apparently Rachel had believed him.  
  
"Yeah, no big deal," Ross turned back to pushing his food around on his plate.  
  
"Mom, did we get anymore pizza?" Monica, who was downing her fifth slice asked through a mouthful.  
  
"No," Judy answered, with a disapproving glance in her daughter's direction.  
  
"May I be excused?" Ross asked quietly, having barely touched his pizza.  
  
"You all right, son?" Jack inquired, looking closely at Ross.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Ross muttered, pushing his chair back from the table.  
  
He ran in the if possible messier bathroom, and knelt by the toilet. Sticking his index finger in his mouth, he pushed down hard on his tongue until he gagged.  
  
Th-there, he thought while vomiting the little dinner he'd just eaten. Th- that'll show 'um.  
  
After he was satisfied that he'd thrown up enough for now, he flushed the toilet and pulled the now all to familiar pocketknife. Though he'd told himself that it was only going to be for one time, he couldn't stop.  
  
He jammed the blade into his skin, so hard that he had to drop the knife and grab the counter for support. Blood was dripping everywhere, and he quickly grabbed a paper towel to stop the flow. Once he'd calmed down, he picked up the knife, and continued the process.  
  
-  
  
His bedroom was dark, and Ross squinted to make out the numbers on his alarm clock. 3:30AM. He felt a dizzying feeling sweep over him, and staggered to his feet, making his way as best he could to the bathroom.  
  
Once there, he collapsed on hands and knees, and vomited. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, but it wasn't making him feel any better.  
  
Finally, he raised his head, and tried to catch his breath. He tried, but failed to stand. Finally succeeding, he walked over and looked himself over in the mirror. Dark circles were under his eyes, and he looked pale and shaky. "Wh-why am I doing this to myself?" He panted, leaning heavily on the counter to stay upright.  
  
Abruptly, another reflection appeared beside his. Ross didn't notice right away, he was to intent on staying on his feet.  
  
But appearently, his body wasn't finished ridding itself of food. Ross fell, and crawled back to the toilit, things coming in and out of focus. He was still shaking, and was now coughing up blood. Finally, about 15 minutes later, he felt that he was able to go back to bed. He flushed the toilit, and walked over to the sink to wash the sweat and bits of vomit and blood from his face.  
  
He still didn't notice his silent watcher.  
  
[A/N  
  
Okay, so this wasn't that much longer, sorry. I realized that Monica was out of character, but I'm not that good with writing her as a teen. Well, please review! Am I rushing the plot? It feels like I am to me.  
  
Well, sorry again that this was so short, I'l hurry it up with part 2!  
  
L_angel] 


	3. Part 2: Confrontation

No Reason To Go on  
  
Part 2: Confrontation  
  
Rachel made her way silently out of Monica's bedroom, being careful not to make a sound. She stopped just outside the bathroom, hearing sounds coming from inside it. She hesitantly put her hand on the halfway opened door, and pulled it all the way open.  
  
The site that greeted her made her blood run cold. Ross was kneeling on the floor, vomiting into the toilet. Rachel was about to go to him, but she wasn't sure what to say.  
  
To her relief, he finally stopped and got shakily to his feet. He moved to look in the mirror, and Rachel silently entered the bathroom. She stood next to him, but he was to absorbed in staring at himself to take any notice of her.  
  
"Wh-why am I doing this to myself?" He sounded out of breath and his voice was shaking.  
  
He returned to the toilet a moment later, and stayed there for about 15 minutes. Rachel had to look away; it made her feel sick just to watch it. Finally, Ross made his way out of the room, never having seen Rachel still standing there.  
  
Rachel followed him, forgetting about wanting a drink of water. He walked into his bedroom, a room that Rachel had never been in before.  
  
She hesitated for a moment, before walking in behind him. He collapsed on his bed, and Rachel had to clamp her hand over her mouth to silence her gasp. Ross's arm was spread out on the bed, and by the lamp on his nightstand, Rachel saw the recently slashed open skin.  
  
She didn't want to watch anymore. She couldn't watch anymore. She walked back to Monica's bedroom, shocked and concerned over what she'd just seen.  
  
The next day at breakfast, Ross looked tired and pale. Rachel watched him worriedly from her spot next to Monica.  
  
"Ross, are you all right?" Judy asked, also watching her son.  
  
"Fine," Ross muttered, not looking up from where he was picking at his eggs.  
  
"Are you sure?" Rachel found herself unexpectedly chipping into the conversation.  
  
Ross did look up at the sound of her voice, but quickly looked away. "Yeah, I'm sure."  
  
"Rach, want to go to the mall today?" Monica piped up on Rachel's other side.  
  
"Maybe," Rachel said distractedly.  
  
She didn't care what Ross said, she'd seen him last night, and knew that he wasn't all right. Luckily for her, Monica didn't seem to notice. She was to intent on stealing her brother's uneaten eggs to pay any attention to anything else.  
  
A few minutes later, Ross got up from the table, quietly excusing himself. Rachel watched him go outside, and decided to follow.  
  
"Hey Mon, I'm gonna be outside, wanna meet me out there?"  
  
"Mmm," Monica muttered through a mouthful of Ross's eggs.  
  
Rachel pushed her chair back, with out saying another word, and walked out to the Geller's backyard. Ross was laying on the grass, staring off into space. He hadn't noticed Rachel yet, and she was glad.  
  
She knew she had to talk to him, to yell at him, to try and help him, but what could she say? 'Oh hi there Ross, I saw you vomiting last night at 3AM, are you okay?' Nice.  
  
But she didn't have any more time to think about what to say, for at that moment Ross looked in her direction. "Oh hi, Rach." He said distractedly.  
  
"Hey," she flopped down beside him, at a loss for words once again.  
  
She looked at him, looking for something to bring up the topic, and found one almost at once. His arm was a few feet away from her, and he'd taken off the light jacket he'd worn at breakfast.  
  
"So, did you cut yourself shaving again?" The sarcasm in her voice was evident, and Ross turned towards her once again.  
  
"Wh-what?"  
  
She gestured to his bare arm, and the slashes across it. He gasped and hastily grabbed the jack from his other side, but revealed his other arm in the process.  
  
"Why'd you do that?" Her tone changed from sarcastic to concern.  
  
"Y-you wouldn't understand."  
  
"Try me."  
  
"I don't have to! You don't know how I feel. You're not looked at as the son who gets perfect grades, or the Geeky older brother, or the Geeky senior who can't even run 10 laps with out breaking a sweat!" He was shaking now, and Rachel had d feeling it wasn't to do with the cold.  
  
She wasn't sure what to say to that, so silence fell between them once again. Finally, Rachel risked bringing up the other thing that worried her.  
  
"What about last night? That didn't seem like a normal stomach flue."  
  
"You saw that?" Ross's expression turned from anger to fear, and then to embarrassment.  
  
"Yeah. I was standing there the whole time." Rachel fought hard to keep the catch out of her voice.  
  
"The Coach wanted me to lose weight." Ross said simply. "Look Rachel, you can't tell anyone about all this."  
  
Rachel's concern was replaced with anger. "What?? Are you crazy?! Ross, you can't treat something like that so casually, it's dangerous! And slitting your wrists." Rachel's outburst was interrupted as she heard Monica opening the door. "You immature pervert! No I will not go out with you!" She snapped at Ross, as Monica walked over to them.  
  
"What, was Ross trying to ask you out again?" She took no notice of her brother's condition.  
  
"Yeah," Rachel lied quickly. "H-he wanted to know if. if I would go out for pizza with him tonight, and then we could come back here for desert." She shot Ross a glare, but then when Monica's back was turned it turned into a look of concern once again.  
  
"C'mon," Monica giggled. "Let's go to the mall." She turned back towards the house.  
  
"I'll be right there," Rachel said as the door closed behind her friend. "Seriously Ross, think about what I said."  
  
With those last few words, Rachel too walked into the house. She wasn't completely satisfied with her little talk with Ross, but there wasn't anything else she could do about it for the moment.  
  
Ross watched the door close behind Rachel, and picked up the jacket again. Pulling it back on, he too headed for the house and the pocketknife.  
  
But as he climbed the stairs and headed towards the bathroom, Rachel's parting words echoed in his head once again. He pushed them away however, and walked into the once again deserted bathroom.  
  
A few moments later, the blade of the knife was coated with a new layer of blood, and Ross's wrists were bleeding more then ever. He panted, but his work wasn't done. Walking once again to the toilet, he forced himself to throw up what little breakfast he'd consumed.  
  
By the time he was finished, there were tears in his eyes.  
  
He couldn't stop, he had to do this. He had to show people that there was more to Ross Geller then straight A's and Geeky looks. And maybe if he proved to Rachel that he could take care of himself, she would think of him differently.  
  
After cleaning up the bathroom, Ross headed back downstairs. "I'm going out for a while," he called to his parents before slamming the door and heading for his beat up minivan.  
  
Three hours later, Ross pulled back up to his house, sweating and feeling lightheaded. It was approaching 2PM, and Ross usually ate lunch around 12. None of that, he told himself firmly as he walked through the door. You're going up to workout some more.  
  
"Ross, you missed lunch!" Judy called as he headed for the stairs.  
  
"Not hungry!" Ross called back, not waiting for a response.  
  
Walking into his room, he collapsed on the floor and started doing pushups. But things became blurry soon after he'd reached 50, and Ross had to fight to remain conscious let alone to keep dong the exercise.  
  
"Mon, I'll be right back!" He heard a feminine voice call. He switched to sit-ups as feet could be heard walking briskly up the stairs.  
  
He heard Monica's door open, then close a few seconds later. He then heard a sharp intake of breath, and stopped to turn and face the doorway.  
  
Rachel was standing there, a makeup compact clutched tightly in her hands. "Wh-what are you doing?"  
  
"Exercising," her voice had been barely a whisper, and Ross had to struggle to talk at all.  
  
"Don't be stupid, you look like you're about to pass out!" Rachel walked fully into the room and pulled Ross by the arm to his feet. He couldn't stop the small gasp of pain from escaping his lips, and she quickly released his arm to see what the problem was.  
  
"I thought you were going to stop doing that!" She cried, rolling back the sleeve of his sweat-soaked jacket and seeing the freshly made cut.  
  
Ross didn't answer, though he tried to. His lips didn't seem to want to move, and things started to swirl around him once again  
  
His knees buckled, and he collapsed into Rachel's arms, losing consciousness soon after.  
  
The younger girl let out a sound between a scream and a strangled sob, and pulled Ross's motionless body onto his bed. She was frozen there for a moment, before she sat down beside him. She looked at him, and felt tears prick at her eyes.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Her voice broke as she whispered the words, and not surprisingly got no reply from Ross.  
  
"Rachel?!" Monica's feet could be heard pounding up the stairs. Rachel quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to face the open door.  
  
An out of breath Monica entered, panting from just the effort of running up the stairs. "What are you doing?" She asked Rachel, taking in the scene before her.  
  
"Oh, I was just seeing if he was okay." Rachel lied again. She didn't know why she was doing this, she should be telling Monica about everything, not lying. But something was keeping her from telling her, and Rachel for some unknown reason listened to it.  
  
"I just found him like this when I came up," she explained to Monica.  
  
"Oh, he's probably fine," Monica said lightly. "C'mon, let's go do those make overs!"  
  
Monica bounced excitedly out of the room, and Rachel got up to follow. But as she left the room, she glanced one last time at Ross. She was going to find out a way to help him if it killed her, and do it soon.  
  
[A/N  
  
Well, another part finished. I tried to make this one a little longer, I hope you all like it.  
  
The R&Rness should be picking up soon, if I can think of any other ideas. If anyone has suggestions, let me know!  
  
Cya, and don't forget those reviews!  
  
L_angel] 


	4. Part 3: Making Progress

No Reason To Go on  
  
Part 3: Making Progress  
  
[A/N  
I want to thank you guys for all the reviews and explain a few things before I start part 3. First of all, I'm glad you're all liking this, and I'm not going to kill Ross! …I think ^_^.  
  
Also, I know Monica's out of character, but I don't want her to know about Ross's problems, at least not just yet. So sorry she hasn't been in much of this, and that she's OOC.  
  
Okay, I hope you still like the fic!]  
  
As Monica babbled on about how her brother had looked kind of pale and hoped he wasn't coming down with something because she couldn't have anyone getting sick because she had a date coming that night, Rachel looked around for some eye shadow. Opening the medicine cabinet, she gasped, silencing Monica.  
  
"What is it?" She asked, looking at what Rachel was now holding.  
  
"Who's is that?" Rachel said, trying to calm down. That was not blood she saw on the blade, it wasn't…  
  
"Oh, Ross got that from my Dad last year," Monica said absently. "It's just a lame pocketknife, try this lipstick!"  
  
Rachel put the knife back with out another word, suddenly feeling sick to her stomach.  
  
"Monica, I'll be right back," she said to her friend.  
  
She walked back into Ross's room, and found him still on the bed. She had to talk to him some more about this, now.  
  
"Ross, wake up." She bent over him, and shook his shoulders.  
  
He moaned, and opened his eyes slowly.  
  
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked franticly, still leaning over him.  
  
"…What happened?" Ross asked weakly, trying to sit up. Rachel hadn't moved out of the way fast enough, and their heads banged against each other. Rachel's whimper of pain caught in her throat as she suddenly found herself kissing Ross.  
  
His lips were dry against her soft ones, and Rachel felt his sweaty arms wrap around her slowly. For some reason, she didn't try to stop him from doing any of this.  
  
Ross was confused. He tried to remember what'd been happening before he'd blacked out, but pushed all thoughts of it away for the time being as Rachel continued to softly kiss him. Her hair was soft against his cheek, and she smelled like she'd been wearing perfume not to long ago.  
  
Finally, Rachel broke the kiss. She stood up fully, extracting herself from Ross's arms as she did so.  
  
"I'd better go," she said after a short silence.  
  
"Yeah." Ross agreed, pulling himself into a sitting position. "Oh and Rachel?" Rachel turned from where she'd been standing by the door.  
  
"Yeah?" Ross looked nervously at her.  
  
"Thanks." He said after a moment.  
  
Before Rachel could ask him what exactly he was thanking her for, Monica's voice called her name from the next room.  
  
"Rachel!"  
  
"Coming!" With that, Rachel walked quietly out of Ross's room, shooting one last apprehensive glance at him as she did so.  
  
Ross watched her go, before getting off the bed completely. He started doing jumping jacks, trying to block out Rachel's concerned face from popping into his brain every 2 seconds.  
  
"Uh huh," Rachel stood quietly in the Geller's kitchen, phone to her ear. "Okay… well let me ask…" She placed her hand over the mouthpiece and turned to Judy who was washing dishes at the sink. "Mrs. Geller, my parents are going out of town until next Saturday. I know it's very sudden, but do you think it would be all right if…"  
  
"Of course dear!" Judy cut Rachel's question off. "You're always welcome here. I'm sure Monica will be thrilled! And," she began to speak slightly quieter "maybe you could help her with her diet while you're here?"  
  
"Uh… sure!" Rachel said uncertainly.  
  
At that moment, Monica came in. She was wearing a dress that looked on the small side for her, but she was grinning all the same. "Hi!" She said brightly, picking up an apple from the counter.  
  
"Monica, Rachel's going to be staying with us for a while."  
  
"Oh, that's great!" Monica smiled at her friend as a knock came from the door. "Well, that's my date!"  
  
10 minutes later, Rachel found herself alone in the kitchen. The Geller's were going out for the evening, and Monica was going out, but Rachel had the feeling that she'd be back sooner then she thought. Rachel headed back upstairs, and stopped next to the open bathroom door.  
  
Walking in, she grabbed the pocketknife from its usual spot and walked into Monica's room. Opening her backpack, she shoved it in. This way, Ross wouldn't be able to hurt himself anymore… or so Rachel thought.  
  
In his room, Ross was sitting quietly on his bed, finishing up some extra credit homework. His alarm clock read 6:30, and Ross was concentrating hard on not passing out again from lack of food. He sighed quietly to himself, and reached for his math book. Just as he was about to get to work on the first problem, his door opened.  
  
"Knock knock!" He looked up to see a grinning Rachel standing in the doorway. "Hey, I'm stuck here for a couple of extra days," she bit her lip to keep in her concerned gasp at Ross's pale face. "I ordered a pizza, want to share it with me?" Ross hesitated, before nodding unsurely.  
  
"Okay," he said with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. "We'd better save some for Monica, she's on a date, isn't she?" Rachel nodded, and the two made their way downstairs together.  
  
Monica found them watching TV like that on the couch a few hours' later, Rachel's head on Ross's shoulder. "Hey Mon!" Ross greeted his little sister.  
  
"Hi!" Rachel smiled from her spot, making Monica blink in surprise at seeing Ross and her so close.  
  
"Hey," she plopped down next to Ross, making the couch creek and go off balance slightly.  
  
The three teens sat in silence for sometime, Monica eyeing her brother and friend oddly. She soon dropped it though, as one of her favorite TV shows came on.  
  
"Well," Ross said after about 15 minutes of this. "I'm gonna turn in. Night guys."  
  
"G'night," Monica didn't take her eyes off the screen.  
  
"Night," Rachel smiled at him.  
  
Ross returned her smile, and walked quietly up the stairs and to his bedroom. Rachel watched him until he was out of site, a feeling of slight relief passing over her. Though Ross still seemed troubled, she'd helped somehow… at least she hoped she had.  
  
[A/N  
Okay, sorry that was so short. I hoped this part was okay, and sorry again about Monica being kind of unusual. I'm having doubts about that kiss, and I just realized that Ross and Rachel didn't even say anything about it. But maybe that's because I started this part on Thursday, and just finished it now? Probably.  
  
Anyways, thanks for putting up with me, and please review!  
L_angel] 


	5. Part 4: Breaking Down

No Reason to Go On  
  
Part 4: Breaking down  
  
Ross picked quietly at his dinner. He'd not eaten any breakfast, but Rachel had forced him to eat some lunch.  
  
Ross hadn't eaten for almost two days now, and it was beginning to catch up with him. On his left, Monica was shoveling more food onto her plate, and glanced longingly at Ross's chicken as she did this. On his other side, Rachel was also looking at his plate, but not because she was hungry. He'd barely eaten a thing, she noted with a glance at Ross.  
  
"May I be excused?" Ross asked, forcing himself to take a few more bites of corn before getting up.  
  
"Can I eat your chicken?" With out waiting for his consent, Monica dumped the entire contents of Ross's plate onto hers. Judy watched her daughter in disgust as Ross quietly walked upstairs.  
  
Rachel watched him go, a worried expression on her face. She hesitated before deciding to follow. Muttering a quick excuse to Monica, she headed for the stairs.  
  
She felt a twinge of guilt that she kept deserting her friend, but she knew that if Monica knew what was going on that she would understand.  
  
Ross could here someone coming up the stairs, and hurried his pace. Someone, (he had the feeling he knew who) had taken the pocketknife from the bathroom. This had stopped Ross for most of today, but that afternoon he'd snuck into the kitchen when no one was looking and taken a knife from the drawr. It wasn't any old butter knife either, the blade had nearly made his fingers bleed when he'd picked it up to take upstairs.  
  
Now, as he stood in the bathroom, holding the knife by its handle this time, he sighed. He couldn't do it. Not while Rachel was so near by…  
  
But he could still stop eating, he thought to himself as he walked across the small room. Dropping to his knees, he began to force himself to vomit again. Or rather, try to vomit. He gagged and coughed heavily for quite sometime, before the by now familiar feeling of Nausea overwhelmed him.  
  
By the time he was finished doing this, Ross was crying. He washed his face with hands that shook, and walked dizzily back to his room.  
  
Managing to make it to his room with out collapsing, Ross laid down weakly on his bed. He pulled a drawer on his nightstand open, and pulled out a picture.  
  
It had been taken three years before, on Monica and Rachel's first day of high school. They stood smiling next to each other, decked out in what Monica said had been the thing to wear at the time, because Rachel had told her so. Ross hadn't thought much of it at the time, but once the pictures had been developed, he'd stolen Monica's copy.  
  
Ross studied the face of his sister and her best friend now with tear-filled eyes. Why couldn't he have a friend like that? Why couldn't he have a friend like Rachel? Was there something wrong with him?  
  
Before Ross could think about Rachel anymore, the door of his bedroom opened, and Rachel walked quietly in.  
  
"Hey," she crossed the room and sat down quietly on the bed beside him. "How are… Ross!" For the first time Rachel actually took a good look at him, and wished she hadn't.  
  
Ross looked up at her with the unstoppable tears still streaming down his cheeks. Rachel moved away from him slightly, before changing her mind and moving closer then she'd been before.  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Her tone was unreadable. Her voice was barely a whisper, but her face was expressionless.  
  
"I-I don't know," Ross's voice shook as he said this. "I want to stop, I really do, but…" His voice broke completely now, and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.  
  
Rachel's own eyes began to well up as she watched her best friend's brother fall apart right before her eyes. She hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and enveloping him in her arms.  
  
His body felt lighter then it should, and his eyes were shadowed. Rachel felt Ross's arms wrap weakly around her, and she looked with concern at the deep gashes up and down them.  
  
"Ross, what do you want me to do? I tried to hide your pocketknife, but that didn't do anything. I've tried to reason with you, but that didn't help either. I-I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help you…" She fell silent, as Ross continued to sob uncontrollably in her arms.  
  
"There's nothing you can do." His voice was so quiet that Rachel had to lean even closer to him to hear it. "There's nothing anybody can do. I'm useless, I don't deserve to be helped!"  
  
"Don't say that!" Rachel found herself yelling. "No one should say that! You're not useless, and anyone in your situation should be helped!"  
  
"What's going on in here?" Monica poked her head around the partly opened door, and gasped at the site before her. "Ross! What's the matter?"  
  
Her brother was unable to answer, he continued to lay limply in Rachel's arms.  
  
Rachel met Monica's concerned gaze with her own, and quietly slid Ross's limp form out of her lap.  
  
The two walked quietly out of the room, leaving Ross feeling more alone then ever.  
  
Once they were in the silence of Monica's room, Monica turned on Rachel. "What's the matter with him?! Why was he crying? And why were those cuts on his arms?" Monica was almost in tears by this point, and Rachel struggled to keep her own voice steady.  
  
"H-he's becoming an anorexic."  
  
Monica gasped as her face paled. "Wh-what?"  
  
"And he's been slitting his wrists." Rachel was surprised that she was so calm about this. It scared her to death that the things she heard about in books and on TV was actually happening to someone she knew.  
  
"How long have you known about this?" Monica's eyes began to fill with tears of her own, and she collapsed weakly onto her bed.  
  
Rachel sat down quietly beside her, before answering. "I saw him throwing up on Friday night, and figured out what was happening yesterday."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Monica asked, her eyes shining with unshed tears.  
  
"Mon, I wanted to tell you, I really did. But," Rachel took a deep breath to steady her voice. "I-I don't know…. Something was holding me back. I-I'm sorry Monica. I'm sorry all of this is happening."  
  
Monica moved over and the two girls shared a hug. It didn't make either of them feel better, especially Rachel who was having trouble breathing because of Monica's bulk.  
  
They separated a moment later, and Rachel picked up Ross's sweatshirt from a nearby chair. "I'm going to go give this back to him," she said to Monica.  
  
Monica nodded mutely, still in a sort of terrified shock that this was happening.  
  
Rachel walked over to Ross's now quiet bedroom, and entered softly. Ross was lying in the same position Rachel had last seen him in, looking pale and scared.  
  
"I just came to give this back." She said to Ross, who hadn't moved at all when she'd come in.  
  
He still didn't reply, and Rachel bent over him with slight concern. She lifted his tear-soaked face from the bed, and studied it worriedly.  
  
Ross had fallen asleep, but his expression was troubled. He looked like he would start crying at any second, and his breathing was shallow.  
  
Rachel ran a hand across his cheek, before she placed his head on the pillow. She then brushing some hair gently out of his eyes, and covered him with the sweatshirt. Before she left the room, she leaned down and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Ross didn't stir, and Rachel doubted he'd even felt her do it.  
  
But as she left the room, she failed to see that Ross's expression had changed. Though he still looked upset, his breathing had returned to normal, and he'd relaxed slightly.  
  
A few minutes later, Monica walked in quietly. She looked with fear and concern at her brother.  
  
She patted quietly over to him, and kissed him just as Rachel had done before her. Ross's expression remained the same, and Monica left soon after.  
  
Though now Monica knew Ross's secret, the three were no closer then they had been before to stopping it. And this was probably the scarryest part for Rachel. It was the scarryest part for all of them, actually.  
  
[A/N  
That ending was lame, no? Well, I hoped that all you Monica fans liked her being in more of this. Sorry that she doesn't have a bigger part, I'm trying to focus on Ross and Rachel's feelings on the subject.  
  
Oh yeah, and Ross gets more and more OOC every part, I'm sorry about that too. I have this weird thing with my fave characters crying… don't ask (O.o)  
  
Well, I'll try to get another part up tomorrow, but I've got the flue right now so I don't really feel like doing much. If I don't get the next chapter up before the holidays, Merry Christmas! Or if you don't celebrate Christmas, happy holidays!  
L_angel] 


	6. Not Making things Easyer

No Reason to Go On  
  
Part 5: Not Making Things Easier  
  
Ross bolted up from his bed around three in the morning shaking. He wasn't sure what the dream he'd just had had been about, but he had a feeling that he didn't really want to know.  
  
Feeling thirsty, he walked quietly to the bathroom. He'd been there so many times in the past two nights to vomit he almost instantly went over to the toilet before he remembered that wasn't why he was here. He turned the cool water on and let it splash onto his hands.  
  
Sloshing it lightly on his face, he blinked and looked himself over. His reflection stared sleepily back at him, and for the first time Ross thought he could see why Rachel and now Monica had been so concerned when they'd seen him.  
  
He had dark circles under his eyes, and looked pale and tired. He looked slightly thinner then before, and the cuts were plainly visible on his bare arms.  
  
Ross drew in a shaky breath and forced himself to look away. He couldn't bear to look at the grotesque person he was becoming.  
  
He walked back towards the door, and almost ran headlong into Rachel on his way back.  
  
"Whoa. What's the big idea?" Rachel asked in a loud whisper.  
  
"Rach?" Ross hissed back.  
  
"Ross?" Rachel's tone changed almost instantly. "Is everything all right?"  
  
"Yeah," Ross nodded fervently.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll see you in the morning." Rachel said after a pause. She then headed into the bathroom, leaving Ross standing alone in the hallway. He sighed quietly, and walked back to his room.  
  
It took a long time for him to fall back to sleep, why this was he didn't know. He tossed and turned for over an hour, the numbers on his t-rex alarm clock now reading 4:15AM.  
  
Finally, Ross pulled out the picture of Monica and Rachel again, and looked at Rachel's smiling face until he finally fell asleep.  
  
The next morning, Rachel pulled Monica aside. "Mon, you can't eat Ross's breakfast today. He's barely eaten all weekend." She explained at the look of horror on Monica's face.  
  
Her expression didn't change when she heard this, which was understandable. Their conversation ended soon after, because Judy had finished cooking, and Ross had come downstairs.  
  
Rachel and Monica got him to eat a peace of toast and a slice of bacon before they had to leave.  
  
Ross wasn't sure how he'd survived school so far that day. It was the middle of lunch, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He finally propped his head up on his fist, and wad waited until the bell signaling the end of lunch period finally rang 20 minutes later.  
  
From the other side of the cafeteria, Rachel watched as Ross made his way out of the room. "Did you see how out of it he is?" She hissed to Monica once he was gone.  
  
"I know," Monica whispered back as they began to walk to their own next class.  
  
Rachel didn't press the subject, but more for her own sake then Monica's. She didn't want to think about Ross and his suffering anymore then she already was, so it came as a relief to her that she still had four more periods left of school.  
  
Ross considered briefly about not going to track. He'd been feeling rather lightheaded ever since the beginning of math, which was his last class of the day. He wasn't feeling a better, and he didn't know what would help him.  
  
He decided just to go to track, and headed in the direction of the field. He barely heard a word the coach said before they were supposed to start running laps. Apparently it wasn't anything important, because Ross did what he normally did and the Coach seemed satisfied.  
  
He struggled to keep his feet moving as the hour-long lesson continued. He couldn't hear the chatter of the other runners or the pounding of their shoes. He couldn't hear the Coach yelling out instructions as the players ran past him. He couldn't hear anything.  
  
He felt things spinning around him, and the world coming in ad out of focus. S  
Till, he kept on running, forcing himself to go faster.  
  
At long last, he heard the shrill sound of the coach's whistle sound, which meant the end of the lesson. He staggered to a stop, coming to a halt right in front of Rachel.  
  
"Are you okay?" She asked in alarm, taking in Ross's condition.  
  
"Fine," he panted out the best he could.  
  
He staggered away from her, in the direction of the locker rooms. The coach stopped him just before he went in.  
  
"Geller, you're doing a great job! You've really seemed to have lost a lot of weight already! Keep up the /good work." He punched Ross lightly on the arm, before he was finally permitted to leave.  
  
He let the cold water stream onto his sweaty body as he stood mutely in the shower. He could feel himself shaking, but he didn't care. He continued to let the water hit his body.  
  
Outside, Rachel was fuming. She couldn't believe what that Coach had said to Ross. To keep going with his weight losing program. Hadn't he noticed how pale he'd looked? He'd barely been able to stay on his feet!  
  
She was sourly tempted to go over there and give him a peace of her mind. But just then, Ross emerged from the locker rooms.  
  
"Hey," Rachel was relieved to see that he looked at least a little better.  
  
"Hi," she greeted him in what she hoped was a cheerful manner.  
  
"So, ready to walk home?" Ross asked after a minute.  
  
"Sure," she replied giving him a small smile.  
  
They walked out of school together, a silence like the one that had over come them on Friday doing the same now.  
  
"So, how was cheerleading?" Ross finally asked in an attempt to make conversation.  
"Fine," Rachel answered. "I got hit in the head by about five pompoms, but other wise, it was fine."  
  
Ross grinned her, and soon silenced had fallen between them once more.  
  
They soon reached the Geller's, and Monica greeted them cheerily. "Hi!" She said to Rachel.  
  
"Hi," she responded.  
  
Ross quietly walked upstairs, under the concerned gazes of Monica and Rachel. "How's he doing?" Monica hissed as they heard the sound of his bedroom door closing.  
  
"He looked like he was about to pass out during track. But he's doing a lot better now." For a moment Monica looked slightly relieved, but then Rachel continued. "You won't believe what his coach said to him after practice," she continued. She told Monica about how the coach had said he'd been doing great, and about their walk home. Monica seemed very concerned for her brother's wellbeing, along with Rachel. But there was still one very big problem: they had no idea how to help him.  
  
Later that evening, the girls and Ross were sitting in front of the TV. The girls were watching some sitcom, and Ross was struggling to stay awake.  
  
"That actor is ssssooo cute!" Monica gushed loudly.  
  
Rachel nodded her agreement, and Ross yawned.  
  
"It's only 8:30, right?" He asked Rachel sleepily.  
  
"Uh huh," she turned to look at him. "Why?"  
  
"Just making sure my watch was set right." Ross lied.  
  
Rachel nodded and went back to watching TV happily.  
  
About a half an hour later, Monica was completely engrossed by the TV. Rachel was getting bored with the cheesy TV shows, and turned to look at Ross who surprisingly hadn't said much for a while.  
  
He was half-asleep, and presently, his head lulled over onto Rachel's shoulder. [Don't know what I mean? Think back to the ep tow the birth, where Chandler was sleeping on Monica's shoulder in the waiting room. I always liked the C&M friendship in that ep… And Phoebe cracked me up too J. Okay, now I'm just rambling again. Go back to your reading!]  
  
Rachel smiled, and grabbed a blanket from the back of the sofa. She put it over her self, and pulled some slowly over Ross.  
  
The three of them sat there for another hour or so, Monica happily watching TV, and Rachel strangely content with the seating arrangements. She just hoped that Ross would be better in the morning. If he was, she didn't care what she had to do until then.  
  
[A/N  
Sorry this took so long to be out! I didn't start it until Christmas afternoon, and then we went on a nice site-seeing trip the day after. Joy!  
  
I'm currently out of ideas as to what should happen next, so suggestions would be helpful. Well, sorry all these parts have Ben so short, I usually try to make my fics at least two thousand words long… sorry again.  
  
Well, thanks for all your reviews!  
L_angel] 


	7. Part 6: Seeking Comfort

No Reason To Go On  
  
Part 6: Seeking Comfort  
  
[A/N  
Warning: fluff alert! Extreme R&R cuteness ahead! J]  
  
"…Ross?" Her voice was soft as her hand gently shook his shoulder. "Ross, wake up."  
  
He stirred, and slowly opened his eyes. "…Rachel?" He blinked sleepily, and looked around him.  
  
"It's after 10, and I was going upstairs…" She blushed and it was then that Ross realized that he was leaning against her.  
  
"Oh, sorry!" He sat up quickly, but almost collapsed again when a dizzying feeling swept over him.  
  
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked in concern, watching him pale.  
  
"Fine," he muttered, taking her hand nervously and pulling himself to his feet.  
  
She stood up as well, their hands still linked.  
  
"Well, night," she paused before releasing his hand.  
  
"G'night," he said quietly.  
  
They walked as one to the stairs, not seeing Monica still watching them from the couch. Rachel made her brother happy, and maybe Rachel could help him stop doing this better then she could.  
  
"I hate you." He blinked.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"I can't believe I ever considered you my son!" He stared blankly at her. "Getting Rachel pregnant like that, so irresponsible…" She clicked her tongue disapprovingly, and walked briskly from his bedroom.  
  
Ross sat on his bed, still feeling and looking bewildered. Suddenly, he heard sobbing from Monica's room.  
  
"Rachel?" He stood up, and walked into Monica's room. "Rachel?" He asked again, walking in fully.  
  
He almost didn't see her at first, and when he did he wished he hadn't. He walked slowly over to his sister's surprisingly neatly made bed. Rachel was sitting on it; face berried in her hands, crying.  
  
She looked like she'd gained a lot of weight, Ross reflected, and then something his mother had just said came back to him. Getting Rachel pregnant. He'd gotten…  
  
"Rachel?" He tentatively touched her hand, which she pulled away instantly.  
  
"Get away from me!" Her voice was high pitched and full of anger. "I hate you! You did this to me! After I helped you get over your anorexia, this is the thanks I get?"  
  
He paled. "No…" He paused; the only sound in the room was Rachel's heart wrenching sobs. "Rachel… I'm sorry…" He tried to embrace her, but her hand flew up, slapping him hard across the face.  
  
"Leave me alone!" She screamed again, running the best she could from the room.  
  
Ross's own hand flew to his still stinging cheek as he watched Rachel leave the room. "No!" He cried, falling to his knees beside Monica's now vacant bed. "Rachel!!"  
  
He awoke with a gasp, and fell off his sweat-soaked bed with a thud. He lay motionless on the floor for a moment, trying to catch his breath.  
  
Abruptly, the door quietly opened. "Ross? Are you… okay?"  
  
He blinked at the sudden light coming from the hallway. A figure stood in the doorway to his room, but just who it was Ross wasn't sure.  
  
He looked up at her face, and instantaneously felt his cheeks grow red. "Fine," he said to Rachel.  
  
"Are you sure?" She didn't know why she was doing this.  
  
He didn't reply right away, he simply watched her walk into the room and over to him. "I'm fine," he said after a moment.  
  
She didn't look convinced, but nodded and sat down on his bed. He blinked. "What are you doing?"  
  
She didn't answer. She didn't know what or why she was doing this.  
  
He didn't press her to do so. He simply got up and joined her on the bed.  
  
Letting instincts take over, she put her arm around his shoulders. He didn't object.  
  
Slowly, he reached over and fully embraced her. The sent of her hair and the feeling of her body so close to his reassured him slightly, and slowly his body which had been shaking for sometime, began to calm down.  
  
He breathed in shakily, and he felt her hand slowly begin to stroke his back.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered hoarsely.  
  
"It's no problem," she said in an equally soft tone.  
  
"I haven't slit my wrists once today." He was embarrassed that his voice was shaking like this.  
  
"Good." She held him tighter.  
  
He didn't quite know why he did what he did next. Maybe it was because his mind was still slightly disoriented from the dream, or maybe it was out of pure stupidity. Whatever it was, it didn't matter to either.  
  
Ross raised his head from her soft brown hair, and leaned his face closer to Rachel's.  
  
She sucked in a silent gasp, before his lips were softly pressing against hers.  
  
The kiss lasted for quite sometime, Ross seeking comfort, and Rachel seeking reassurance that he was in fact all right.  
  
Finally, Ross broke it. Rachel still remained with him, however. He was very grateful for this, and soon felt himself falling asleep once again. He hoped fervently that she wouldn't notice.  
  
She did, but made no move to leave him. She felt him relax in her arms, and his breathing grew even.  
  
She smiled down at his sleeping face, and softly kissed his cheek.  
  
She sighed happily, and slid pulled the blankets over both of them, falling asleep moments later.  
  
Many times that night, Ross would wake up, haunted once again by nightmares. But always, he would feel arms gently holding him, and feel Rachel's gentle fingers running through his hair.  
  
They said nothing in those few times, both barely a where that they were taking place. They were safe, and that was all that mattered to both.  
  
Sunlight streamed into the room the next morning, it's soft beams waking Rachel. She was at first confused as to where she was, and why she was holding a sleeping Ross in her arms. But soon she remembered the night before's events, and relaxed.  
  
A few moments later, Ross stirred and opened his eyes to stare sleepily at her. "You stayed all night?"  
  
She blushed slightly. "Of course I did."  
  
"You didn't have to."  
  
"I wanted to."  
  
He smiled and sat up. Rachel smiled warmly back at him, and a few short seconds later she'd pressed her soft lips to his parched ones.  
  
They probably would've stayed like that for longer, if Monica hadn't burst in. "Ross have you seen… oh!"  
  
Monica Geller's mouth dropped open. There, on the bed in front of her, lay Ross and Rachel. Kissing.  
  
"Oh, morning Mon!" Rachel blushed as she broke the kiss.  
  
"Hey," Ross said quietly.  
  
Monica opened and closed her mouth several times as though to say something, but no words came out. "I… er… I'll be in the shower," she finally said distractedly.  
  
"What just happened?" Rachel asked once Monica had left.  
  
"I-I don't know," Ross answered slowly. "B-But I liked it."  
  
Rachel smiled a real smile for the first time in days. "So did I."  
  
[A/N  
I just love fluff ^_^. Sorry this part is so short, and that it took so long to get out. I'm not sure when the next chapter should be up, but I start school again on Monday, so bare with me, okay?  
  
Thanks,  
L_angel] 


	8. Part 7: Not Being Able to Stop

No Reason to Go On  
  
Part 7: Not Being Able to Stop  
  
That afternoon, Rachel was surprised to see Monica on the sidelines when she came over to watch Ross's track practice. "What're you doing here?" She asked her friend.  
  
"I wanted to keep an eye on Ross," Monica replied.  
  
Rachel nodded, and they both looked to where the older boy was running. He looked much too thin, and he had dark circles under his eyes. No one on the team much less the Coach seemed to notice that there was anything wrong with him. Though this relieved Ross, Rachel wished that someone would notice and say something about it to him. But so far, that didn't seem to be happening.  
  
"He looks like he hasn't slept in days," Monica reflected worriedly.  
  
"I know," Rachel bit her bottom lip in concern. "He's been having nightmares."  
  
Abruptly, the track team's coach walked over to them, bringing their conversation to its end. "You're one of the cheerleaders, aren't you?" He asked Rachel. She nodded hesitantly, and he smiled. It was all Rachel could do to not start yelling at him for making Ross go through all of this torture, but she kept quiet.  
  
"Yeah, I'm Rachel." She said quietly. He didn't reflect the anger in those few words, but it was there.  
  
"I've seen you around here a lot. That's good. A pretty face like that is just what those runners of mine should see. Keep up the great work." He patted her on the shoulder, before turning to Monica. "You, you're not a cheerleader, are you?"  
  
"No," Monica said hastily. "I'm Ross Geller's little sister."  
  
"Geller… yes," he glanced in Ross's direction, not seeing his condition. "And I thought *he* was over weight! You, drop and give me twenty." Monica stared at him for a moment. Seeing that he was being serious, she obediently did as she was told, struggling to do sit ups with out breaking a sweat.  
  
While the other two were distracted, Rachel walked closer to the boys. She tried to catch Ross's eye, but he was staring resolutely straight ahead. Finally, she simply reached out and grabbed his shirttail as he ran past her. The other boys continued running, not noticing Ross's abrupt stop.  
  
Ross himself was confused. Today was Tuesday, he reminded himself. You have Track after school… he should be running…  
  
His jumbled up thoughts were silenced by someone calling his name.  
  
"Ross? Ross, are you okay? Ross, snap out of it!" He felt someone shaking him by the shoulders, and turned shakily to look at them.  
  
Rachel stood behind him, holding him by the shoulders. He opened his mouth to answer her, but no words came out.  
  
He abruptly felt the familiar feeling creeping up his throat, and quickly pulled himself out of Rachel's grasp. He staggered a few feet away, and through up right there in the grass.  
  
He fell on his stomach, coughing and heaving what little food he'd eaten that day out of his stomach.  
  
Rachel dropped to her knees beside him, concern evident on her face. "Are you okay?" She asked again, watching him slowly recovering.  
  
Ross opened his mouth to reply, but could only manage a weak "I think so," before he started coughing again. His strength seemed to be drained from him, and so when he tried to get up a minute later, he was unable to.  
  
He pulled himself to his feet, but only to fall back down again as the world spun in and out of focus before him. Rachel caught him once again by the shoulders, and waited until his breathing had at least returned to normal before helping him slowly to his feet.  
  
"Here," she said after a moment's hesitation, and offered him her water bottle. He accepted it gratefully, but was only able to drink a few sips with out feeling sick.  
  
By this time, the Coach had noticed something was wrong, and was hurrying over towards them.  
  
"Something wrong, Geller?" He asked Ross, once he'd gotten to where he was leaning against Rachel for support.  
  
"I-I don't feel so well, Coach." He panted weakly, only half registering that Rachel was holding her water bottle up to his lips.  
  
"Hmmm," the Coach looked with semi concern down at him. "Maybe you over did it. How about you cut today's practice short for today? Go home, get some rest."  
  
Ross nodded mutely, trying again to stay on his feet. He succeeded this time, but was glad when he felt Rachel put a steadying arm around his shoulders.  
  
"I'm staying with the Geller's," she said to the Coach as her and Ross turned to go. "I'll make sure he gets home in one peace."  
  
The Coach nodded approvingly. "Good," was all he said however.  
  
When Monica saw that Ross and Rachel were leaving, she haisined to join them. Ten sit-ups were more then enough for her.  
  
"And just where do you think you're going?" The Coach had spotted her. "I'm not done with you."  
  
Monica shot a concerned look at Ross and Rachel's retreating backs, before getting back to exercising.  
  
The house was deserted when Ross and Rachel got there. Ross was now leaning heavily on Rachel for support, and looked close to passing out.  
  
She helped him quickly to the couch, before rushing into the kitchen and refilling her now empty water bottle.  
  
Rachel guessed that Ross had been dehydrated because in the 10 minutes it took to walk home, he'd drunk her whole water bottle. She was mentally killing herself for not paying closer attention to him, but there was nothing to do now but make sure he got lots of fluids.  
  
As she returned to the couch with the water, Ross looked at her through half closed eyes.  
  
"Rachel?" His voice came out in a horse whisper.  
  
She knelt on the floor in front of the couch. "I'm here," her tone matched his in pitch.  
  
"I'm sorry…" He reached over and grabbed her wrist in his firmest grasp. But considering he was close to passing out, this wasn't very much.  
  
She looked at him with a mixture of confusion and worry on her face. "Sorry for what?"  
  
"For…" but he got no further. He slumped back on the couch, his eyes closing completely.  
  
Rachel looked with concern at his sleeping face. She suddenly gasped, and rolled up the sleeve of his track uniform. That wasn't blood on his shirt, was it? But it was. Sure enough, the cuts up and down his arms looked fresh.  
  
Rachel replaced the sleeve, not being able to look at his arms any longer. Tears once again came to her eyes, as she thought about what was happening to someone. Someone who was becoming very important to her…  
  
Monica got home about 20 minutes later, to find her brother asleep on the couch, and Rachel silently crying next to him.  
  
"He did it again," Rachel choked out in a whisper to her friend.  
  
Monica fell to her knees beside Rachel, and the two girls embraced each other, both crying heavily.  
  
Sometime later, Ross opened his eyes. He looked up to see his sister and Rachel crying. They were crying for him. He'd upset them. It was his fault… everything was his fault…  
  
Ross didn't eat a thing at dinner. It was a miracle that he was able to sit at the table, but eating was another matter altogether.  
  
He'd forced himself to act normal once they heard his mother's car in the driveway. He'd gotten shakily to his feet, and grabbed a soda from the fridge. But he couldn't bring himself to drink it. Just staring at the liquid in the can before made his face pale, and he'd have to rush quickly to the bathroom.  
  
He could feel his mother's eyes on him now, and he made sure not to look up at her. He forced himself to drink some water, so as not to worry Rachel. But he still felt very weak, and he just wanted to lie down…  
  
"Ross, weren't you going to help me with my history report?" Rachel's voice sounded far away, and all Ross was able to do was nod weakly at the blur across from him that he assumed was her.  
  
He got up, and staggered to the stairs. Rachel followed him, and once they were out of site, she allowed Ross to use her for support.  
  
They made a silent agreement, and walked into Ross's room. This place was beginning to feel like home more and more to Rachel, what with all the time she'd been spending in it lately.  
  
"Why did you do that?" Rachel asked once the door was closed and they were on his bed.  
  
"Do what?" Ross looked confused.  
  
In response, Rachel once again rolled up his sleeve to reveal the gash he'd made earlier at lunch that day.  
  
He shivered slightly, before anreplying. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I couldn't stop myself."  
  
"Ross, you need help." Rachel's voice was soft but firm.  
  
"I know," he sighed as he leaned back against his pillows.  
  
"But," he said after a minute. "There's something else I've been wanting to talk to you about."  
  
"What?" Rachel asked, slightly worried. There couldn't be something else wrong, could there?  
  
"Well," he began slowly, reaching over and gulping down some water that Rachel had brought up with her. "Lately we've been… kissing… a lot and…" Rachel blushed.  
  
"Yeah… What about it?"  
  
"Well, did it mean anything to you? I mean… do you… have feelings for me?" The look in his eyes was something that Rachel had never seen there before. It was almost… hopeful?  
  
She forced herself to look away from his eyes, and answer his question. "I don't know." She said after a pause. "I… maybe… I think I do."  
  
Ross tried to conceal his smile. "Good, 'cause I do too."  
  
"Well then…" Rachel moved closer to him.  
  
"…Would you like to be my Girlfriend?"  
  
Rachel paused, but only for a second. "Yes. Yes I would."  
  
With that said, they closed the gap between them, and kissed.  
  
"You're what?!?!" Rachel guessed that Monica's scream could be heard for miles.  
  
"I'm Ross's girlfriend," she hissed back in a whisper.  
  
"Wow," Monica giggled. "…Wow."  
  
Rachel grinned. It was about an hour later, and the two girls were sitting in Monica's room. Ross had fallen asleep about forty-five minutes before, and Monica had come in his room to find Rachel holding him in her arms, a smile on her face. Instantly, Monica had wanted to know what had happened, so they'd come in here to talk.  
  
"Imagine if you got married!" Monica squealed excitedly, breaking into peals of laughter at the thought. "Your kids will have Ross's hair and your nose!"  
  
"And yours will have your body," Rachel muttered, slightly annoyed.  
  
"Or not. I saw this new senior in the halls the other day, he was ssssoooo cute! He had these blue eyes, with really cute blonde hair, and he looked right at me…" Monica trailed off, a dreamy expression coming to her face.  
  
Rachel smiled, and stared up at the ceiling.  
  
Sometime later, Monica had fallen asleep. But Rachel for some reason couldn't. She kept picturing Ross as he'd looked the last time she'd seen him: sleeping peacefully, a look of happiness on his face.  
  
Unable to sleep, she padded quietly over to Ross's half-opened door. He was still asleep, but his look had changed.  
  
His eyes were moving under their lids, and his mouth was twisted into a look of fear. Rachel lay down beside him, placing her hand on his shoulder. Instantly, he began to relax. His legs stopped thrashing, his expression relaxed, and his breathing slowed.  
  
Rachel soon pulled him into her arms, looking at his once again untroubled face. Ross was happy, and now, so was Rachel.  
  
[A/N  
Sorry this part took so long to be up! I hoped you liked the R&Rness, and the guy Monica was describing was… just some made up one O.o. I was going to use Chandler, but then I remembered that he didn't meet Ross until college, and I was too lazy to fit him into the picture. J  
  
I'm not quite sure how many more parts this fic will have, but I do know that they'll be pretty slow in getting out, because of school and all that.  
  
Well, please review! Oh and this is totally off topic, but I can't believe that Joey likes Rachel! GRRR!! I mean, I guess Joey and Rachel would be okay, but Ross and Rachel rule!!!!  
  
Okay, I've gotten that out of my system. Sorry if you're J&R fans and I offended you.  
  
Well, bye!  
L_angel] 


	9. 

No Reason to go on  
  
Part 8: A Glimmer of Hope  
  
Ross didn't go to school the next day. He'd woken up that morning with a terrible headache and Rachel lying beside him.  
  
"Hi," he said, giving her his best smile.  
  
She smiled back in response, and he leaned over to kiss her softly. She was the one to break it a few seconds later, as they heard Monica's thundering footsteps coming towards Ross's closed bedroom door.  
  
"You've really gotta stop doing that," she said a moment later as she walked in, and saw them in bed together. "People will think you've done more then just kiss. ...That is all you've done, right?" She had a look of panic on her face, as she stared hard at Rachel who was blushing hard.  
  
"Yes, that's all we've done!" Ross said indignantly.  
  
Monica looked relieved, and hurried out of the room. A moment later, they heard the water in the shower running.  
  
Rachel sat up, pulling Ross up with her. "So, are you feeling better?" She gently moved a few strands of his dark hair off his forehead as she asked this.  
  
"Yeah," he started to get up, but instantly, the world began spinning. The color drained from his face, and he began to sway back and fourth. Rachel, alarmed by this leaped up and grabbed his arm, pulling him back down onto his bed.  
  
She joined him seconds later, watching fearfully, as his eyes came back into focus, and he looked weakly up at her.  
  
"Take that back," he said breathlessly. "I guess I'm still not quite better."  
  
"Well, there's no way you're going to school like that." Rachel was beginning to sound like his mother, but Ross knew she had a point.  
  
"Yes, mam." He said, giving her a silly grin.  
  
She kissed him on the cheek, before leaving his bedroom as well, calling over her shoulder as she did so, "Oh and Sweetie, try to get some sleep, okay?"  
  
He nodded as she closed the door and sighed. With out Rachel with him he felt strangely empty. It was as though a part of him had left when she had, and it was hard to function properly with out it.  
  
Downstairs, Monica frowned when Rachel told her the condition of her brother.  
  
"Don't worry," Rachel said quickly, seeing Monica's expression. "I'm sure he'll be fine by tonight."  
  
"Oh, I'm not worried about that," Monica said sadly. "It's just that Ross won't be eating any breakfast. And I won't be able to have his left overs now."  
  
"Why shouldn't Ross be eating any breakfast?" Judy, who'd overheard her daughter's last comment, asked. A slight smile played at the corners of her mouth, knowing that Monica would be eating at least a little less food that morning.  
  
"Oh, he's sick." Rachel tried to make her voice sound off-handed. "I saw him in the bathroom this morning... throwing up."  
  
Judy's face instantly turned to concern. "Oh, my poor baby!" She cried, sprinting for the stairs.  
  
Monica watched her go, a look of annoyance on her face. "If I was sick," she said to Rachel once her mother was gone, "she wouldn't give a care."  
  
She sighed and sat down at the table, digging to her still very large portion of eggs.  
  
"Ross Honey, how're you feeling?" Judy entered her son's bedroom.  
  
Ross raised himself weakly up onto elbow, trying to wipe the look of disappointment off his face. For a second, when he'd heard the word `honey' he'd thought it was Rachel.  
  
"Okay," he said to his mother with a hopefully inaudible sigh.  
  
"Listen honey," Judy's tone was apologetic. Rachel said you were throwing up, but I can't stay home with you today. I've got a very important luncheon at 12, and then I've got to pick up some things for your sister's DIET..." She made a face of disgust.  
  
"That's okay," Ross said, now letting the note of sadness crepe into his voice.  
  
"I'm sorry," Judy bent down to kiss his cheek, not detecting the lipstick stain on it from Rachel the day before.  
  
A moment later she was gone, and Ross was alone. Sighing, he rolled over and tried to get back to sleep.  
  
About 10 minutes later, he heard his bedroom door open again. He opened one eye a crack, and smiled sleepily as he smelled Rachel's familiar perfume.  
  
"Hi Sickie," she whispered softly, placing her cool hand on his forehead.  
  
"Shouldn't you be leaving soon?" Ross asked her, raising up to kiss her cheek.  
  
"I couldn't leave with out saying good bye one more time, could I?" She met him in the middle, and kissed him full on the mouth. "I'll be home as soon as I can." She said, gently pushing him back down on the bed. "Feel better."  
  
He nodded as she left each blowing the other a final kiss good bye.  
  
That emptying feeling was back. He sighed quietly to himself, pulling out the warn copy of her picture.  
  
"Don't look so sad," Monica said to Rachel as they were eating lunch later that day.  
  
Rachel pouted and looked at Monica sadly. "I can't help worrying about him, Mon." She told her with a sigh. "I'm going to go call him." This said, she got up and walked out into the hallway and over to the nearby payphone.  
  
Sleep was close at hand for Ross, when from far away, he heard a shrill ringing. Moaning, he forced himself to open his eyes.  
  
He looked around his dimly lit bedroom, looking for the source. It was the cordless phone, which was lying on his desk. Slowly, he got shakily to his feet. Things spun, but he was able to stay upright.  
  
"Hello?" His voice sounded horse to his own ears when a few seconds later he answered the phone.  
  
"Ross?" As he made his way back to his bed, he smiled as he heard Rachel's familiar voice.  
  
"Rach?" He cleared his throat, hoping that he didn't sound too helpless.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
He sighed. "I've got the worst headache."  
  
From over the phone, Rachel could almost see him looking sickly at her. "Awww," she said sympathetically. "Hang in there. Mon and I will be home in few hours."  
  
He smiled, though she couldn't see it. "I can't wait."  
  
They hung up soon after. Ross, who'd been standing for most of the conversation, sunk to his bed in exhaustion. He felt drained, for some unknown reason.  
  
About a half an hour later, Ross decided to get up. Making his way downstairs, he walked weakly into the kitchen.  
  
Opening a cupboard, he took out a can of chicken noodle soupe.  
  
He put it in the microwave, and waited about a minute or so before removing it again.  
  
Pouring its contents into a bowl, he made his way unsteadily over to the kitchen table. He stared into his soupe, watching the noodles and pieces of chicken floating around in the broth.  
  
He took a bite, and then another. When he was about to take a third, he abruptly stopped.  
  
Slowly but surely, he felt the dizzying feeling overwhelming him yet again. He'd thrown up so many times in the past few days, but with those times, it'd been different. Those times, he'd forced himself to do it. But this time, he had no control over the matter.  
  
Leaping up from the table and clamping a hand to his mouth, he ran up the stairs to the bathroom, leaving the almost untouched bowl of soupe behind.  
  
He through up for quite sometime. At one point he thought he heard the phone ring, but if it really had, he was too weak to get up and answer it.  
  
Finally, he drew away. His face was covered with sweat, vomit, and still falling tears. What was going on? Why was this happening to him? He didn't want it to! He wanted it to stop!  
  
Panting, he flushed the toilet and walked shakily towards the door. Looking back on it, he had no idea how he got back to his bedroom. His legs gave out from underneath him, and he fell weakly on his bed.  
  
He looked with half-closed eyes at his alarm clock. Another hour until the girls were due to be back. He wished she were here now. He needed her...  
  
The bell rang shrilly for the last class of the day. Rachel sighed as she walked through the door, and sat down at the only empty desk.  
  
She didn't hear a word the teacher said that period. Her eyes were glued to the clock on the wall, her thoughts focused on Ross.  
  
"Miss Green? Miss Green!"  
  
Rachel's head snapped in her direction. The teacher was staring icily at her.  
  
"Would you mind telling me the answer to question four?" She said in a agitated sounding tone.  
  
"Um all right," Rachel said in a meek voice. Glancing at her notes, which had been taken the day before, she muttered out a few unintelligible words. "Um, Ms. Curtis? I've got a really bad headache, could I please go to the nurse?" Rachel put her hands on her forehead, and rubbed at her temples dramatically.  
  
"Oh all right," the teacher consented. "I'll have Monica write down the homework for you."  
  
Rachel nodded, and forced a smile of relief to not spring onto her face.  
  
She sprinted from the room, calling over her shoulder as she did so, "Mindy, tell Coach Witinburg that I won't be in cheerleading this afternoon!"  
  
The fresh air of outdoors felt good on her face. She shivered slightly, and pulled Ross's sweatshirt which she'd taken off his bedroom floor that morning out of her backpack. The Geller's was about a 20 minute walk from school, but Rachel made it in 10. She was concerned about Ross. She'd tried to call him again about an half an hour ago, just before the start of her last class. However, he hadn't answered. She reasoned with herself that he could just be sleeping, and hopped desperately that this was true.  
  
Walking inside, she saw a by now cold bowl of soupe on the table. Some of it had spilled on to the tabletop, as though it had been set down rather hastily.  
  
She got a paper towel from the cupboard, and cleaned up the small amount of broth that had been spilled. Rachel then put the remaining soup in the sink, and headed upstairs to check on Ross.  
  
She found him in his room, asleep. The blankets had been thrown to the floor earlier, but now Ross was shivering. Rachel bent down and retrieved them, gently draping them one at a time over her boyfriend's trembling body.  
  
She glanced at his clock, once he had settled down. He wasn't expecting her home for another half an hour, and she decided to go make him some decent food.  
  
Ross awoke to the smell of food. Chicken noodle soup, to be exact. He felt his stomach churn slightly but swallowed hard, before opening his eyes. Rachel was standing over him, trey in hand. On it was a glass of orange juice, toast, and another bowl of chicken soupe. He grimaced at the sight of that but smiled at Rachel.  
  
"Hi Sickie," she said as she set the trey down on his nightstand. "How ya feeling?"  
  
"Well, let's see. I through up for about an hour this afternoon," she made a sympathetic noise, before he continued. "I've got a splitting headache, and I'm never going near that stuff," he pointed at the soup "ever again."  
  
She nodded, as she sat down beside him. "Well, at least try to get down the orange juice," she reasoned with him. "And if that works out, we'll try the toast. Sound okay?"  
  
He nodded, and she handed him the glass. He took a tentative sip, not wanting to upset his stomach again. A greenish color past over his face, but he kept it down.  
  
Bit by bit, he drank the entire glass. Rachel offered him the toast, and he accepted it nervously.  
  
He took a small bite from the corner, and made a face.  
  
"Couldn't you have at least put some butter on it?" He asked Rachel.  
  
She smiled. "No, that might upset your stomach, and I'm sure you don't want that."  
  
"You're right," he said with a sigh.  
  
Ross finished the piece of toast, and leaned back against his pillows.  
  
"No soup?" Rachel extended the bowl to him.  
  
In response, Ross covered his mouth.  
  
"Fine," She stood back up. "I'll be right back."  
  
Ross nodded, and watched her leave the room again.  
  
She returned a minute later, the trey gone, and a wet washcloth in her hand. Sitting back down on the bed beside him, she placed the cold cloth on his forehead.  
  
"Does that help your headache at all?" She asked him after a minute.  
  
"Yeah," he answered quietly.  
  
"Good." She smiled down at him, and took his hand in hers. His skin felt hot against her's, but she didn't care.  
  
"If you want to go watch TV or something," Ross said about 20 minutes later, "you can."  
  
"No, I'd rather stay here with you." He smiled sleepily at what she'd said.  
  
"I'd hoped you'd say that."  
  
A few minutes later, Ross fell asleep again. Rachel left about twenty minutes later to put more cold water on the washcloth.  
  
As she walked into the bathroom, something in the trashcan caught her eye. Leaving the washcloth on the counter, she went over for a closer look.  
  
It was the kitchen knife that she assumed Ross had been using to slit his wrists lately. It was in a plastic bag, and Rachel hoped that Ross hadn't cut himself with just picking it up. Its blade looked very sharp, and she knew that she never wanted to touch it.  
  
Walking into Monica's room, she took out Ross's pocketknife from her backpack where she had hidden it. Careful to pick it up by the handle, she re-entered the bathroom, and put the knife in the same bag as the other one.  
  
It looked as though Ross's wrist slitting was over with, and Rachel was very happy about this. But that still left the problem of anorexia, which was very dangerous as well.  
  
Putting such thoughts out of her mind, Rachel returned to Ross's room, and the sleeping boy waiting for her inside.  
  
[A/N  
  
*Deep breath*  
  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!!!!!!  
  
This took sssssoooo long to get out! I've had an unbelievable amount of homework, and I meant to put it up last Tuesday, but I didn't get it finished, and then I was going to on Friday, but I had three (3!) tests to study for... and well, you know.  
  
Well, I'm going to try and get the next part at least started by tomorrow, but I don't have any ideas right now, so I'm sorry if it's another long wait.  
  
Before I go, I just wanted to clear something up. A couple people asked about Rachel being Pregnant. And the answer is no, she's not. That was just some weird dream I had Ross have.  
  
Well, I think that's everything!  
  
Bye, and review please!  
  
L_angel] 


	10. Part 9: Getting Back to Normal

No Reason to Go On  
  
Part 9: Getting back to Normal  
  
Thursday morning dawned bright and sunny. Rachel woke up feeling a little disappointed when she realized that she was still in Monica's room.  
  
"What a surprise," Monica said sarcastically as she stood up- making the floor vibrate as she did so.  
  
"Ha ha, very funny," Rachel muttered getting up from the floor and rummaging around in her backpack for some clothes for that day, and some other things she'd need for her shower.  
  
It was a mad dash for the bathroom and the sound of Monica and Rachel's shrieks of laughter and Monica's pounding feet woke Ross.  
  
Sitting up, he listened to the rest of his sister and girlfriend's race, and heard Rachel's cry of tryumph as her bare feet could be heard hitting the tile of the bathroom. He smiled sleepily to himself, as he listened to Monica's complaints just outside the door.  
  
"C'mon Rach," she wined to her friend. "Lemme go first!"  
  
Rachel turned on the water to block out the sound of Monica from the hallway and stepped into the shower with a contented sigh.  
  
Ten minutes later, she walked out fully dressed for school and drying her hair with her towel. Monica had gone off somewhere, and Ross stood outside, his own clothes in hand.  
  
"Hey you," she greeted him with a smile.  
  
"Hi," he responded, walking through the bathroom door.  
  
They each blew each other a kiss, and Monica, walking down the hall gave Rachel a look of disgust.  
  
"That is just too sick for words," she said to her friend in annoyance. "I still can't believe you're going out with my brother, the geekyest senior in the whole school!"  
  
"Runs in the family," Ross called out through the now closed bathroom door, and Monica glared hard at the door.  
  
A half an hour later, all three teenagers walked into the kitchen, by now ready for school. Monica's hair was still damp from her shower, Ross's lips coated with a thin layer of Rachel's lipstick that he'd failed to notice just yet, and Rachel with a smile on her face.  
  
"In honor of Ross feeling better," Judy said by way of greeting, "I made pancakes!"  
  
Monica, who had been looking slightly hurt that Judy had been so worried about Ross, brightined when she heard the word "pancakes."  
  
"Yeah!" She cried with excitement, eagerly sitting down at the table and waiting expectantly.  
  
Judy's expression was one of disgust as she wordlessly placed a plate of pancakes in front of her daughter.  
  
Monica for once didn't notice or care that her mother was annoyed with her, she simply began eating happily.  
  
Ross and Rachel sat down as well, and Ross took a sip from his orange juice, forcing himself to stop thinking about how much weight he was about to gain. Instead, he focused on Rachel who was sitting across from him.  
  
He aloud himself to get lost in her beautiful eyes, barely noticing when his mother placed a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of him.  
  
"I want bacon too!" Monica's outraged voice cried from his right, making him jump slightly and come back to reality.  
  
From across the table, Rachel smiled. Ross returned it, and then started slowly cutting one of his pancakes.  
  
He ate one slice of bacon, and one and a half pancakes, but the thought of eating or even looking at anymore food made him feel sick to his stomach.  
  
He took another sip of his orange juice, and stared hard at the floor so as not to throw up at the sight of Rachel and his sister eating.  
  
"Either of you want a ride to school?" Ross asked a few moments later.  
  
"Sure," the girls said in unison, Rachel getting up from the table right away, but Monica lingered slightly, not wanting to leave the table when there was still food on it.  
  
Later that day, Ross entered the school cafeteria, and looked around for a place to sit.  
  
"Ross!" A voice called out from across the room, from where she was sitting with some other cheerleaders.  
  
Ross grinned as he hurried across the room to her.  
  
"Hi," Rachel said, smiling as Ross bent down and kissed her cheek. From around her, the other cheerleaders gasped.  
  
"You and Ross Geller?" A pretty blonde cried, dropping a spoonful of yogurt on the table.  
  
"Rachel sweetie, why? There's so many better looking boys!" A second joined the other in criticizing the dark haired senior standing uncomfortably in front of them.  
  
Ross took a few steps backwards, trying to look as though he couldn't care less about what the girls were saying about him.  
  
"Um I'll see you later," he said a few moments later to Rachel, not being able to take anymore. He leaned over to kiss her, but then looked at the other cheerleaders, who were watching him with looks of disgust on their faces and changed his mind.  
  
He turned around and walked briskly out of the cafeteria, still hearing giggles and rude comments coming from Rachel's table.  
  
He sighed as he walked through the for once deserted hallways, feeling depressed for the first time that day. When he'd woken up that morning, he'd thought that his life was getting back to normal. Actually, it'd been better then normal. He and Rachel were together, and that was heaven for Ross. But, now that all her friends knew and weren't exactly supportive of it, how long would it be before she wanted to break things off?  
  
"Planning to eat outside today? Don't you think it's a little cold?" Ross turned at the unexpected statement, and nearly dropped his lunch bag when he saw who was behind him. "Aren't those girls *nice*?" Her voice was filled with sarcasm, and she glared in the direction of the cafeteria. "I was just sitting with them so I could see what I missed in practice yesterday." She explained, matching her step with Ross, and taking his free hand in hers. "I personally think they're terrible excuses for friends."  
  
Ross's mood lightened instantly. Rachel didn't think that he was a dork, and apparently still wanted to continue their relationship. Still, Ross had to make sure.  
  
"So, are we okay?"  
  
Rachel stared at him in shock. "Of course we are! The day I take their advise is the day your sister cleans her room." (  
  
Ross smiled as he opened the door that led to the lawn where the students could also eat their lunch. "Like that'll ever happen."  
  
"Geller, pick up the pace!" Ross sighed and did as the coach told him.  
  
He hated track, and regretted ever joining it. There were so many other exciting things he could've joined. Like the paleontology research club! That didn't require any running, and Ross had always been interested in dinosaurs and fossilized artifacts like that.  
  
But he'd made the dumb choice of joining the track team, and here he was now, running around the school field, trying to get some air into his lungs.  
  
Finally the torturous hour came to its end, and Ross staggered over to the nearby water fountain.  
  
Splashing water on his face, he sighed in ecstasy, lowering his head and gulping in the cool liquid at a rapid pace.  
  
Ross slightly.  
  
"Ha ha," he said turning his head to smile briefly at her, before returning to the water fountain in front of him.  
  
However, he pressed down too hard on the button, which controlled the flow of water, soaking his face and the upper half of his shirt.  
  
Rachel burst out laughing, at Ross's state, and a moment later Ross did too.  
  
The other members of the track team as well as Monica watched in amusement as Ross began to chase Rachel around, trying to get her to kiss his dripping face.  
  
"Geller!" The coach's voice brought Ross and Rachel's game to an abrupt end. "I'd like a word over here."  
  
Puzzled, Ross nodded and walked over. On his way, Rachel stopped him for a quick but passionate kiss, to the delight of Ross and the annoyance of the Coach.  
  
"Geller," he said stirnly once Ross finally reached his side. "Your pace is terrible! It was bad on Tuesday, but with you being sick and all yesterday, its gotten even worse today." His expression was grave, and Ross felt his stomach tighten into an unpleasant knot as he listened to the coach's words.  
  
He looked down at the ground, not being able to look him in the eye. The Coach continued to speak, but the words were lost to Ross.  
  
Thinking back on it, he realized that it was the coach himself who had put him through the torcher the past few days had been for him. But, he couldn't help thinking with a slight smile, he had gotten him and Rachel together…  
  
"Geller, are you listening to me?" The coach asked sharply of him, breaking him from his thoughts.  
  
"Sorry sir," Ross said quickly, still not being able to meet his gaze.  
  
"So, either shape up on your own or…" Ross shivered, but not from the slightly cool breeze. He did so because of what he had just suggested.  
  
He had been trying to lose weight. There would be scars on his wrists for he rest of his life because of his depression, and he hadn't had a decent meal in nearly a week, all because of this man's "advise".  
  
Ross knew that the coach had only been trying to improve his team, but he had no idea how he had effected Ross's life.  
  
"Um, Coach?" Ross's voice was barely above a whisper as he said this, and he cleared his throat before he continued. "I've tried really hard to lose weight, but maybe the track team isn't the right one for me."  
  
The coach looked at him in surprise for a moment, and then said slowly, "are you saying you want to quit?"  
  
"Well, I'm obviously slowing the other's down," Ross explained, not being able to keep the tone of disappointment from his voice. "I think you'd all be better with out me."  
  
The coach looked as though he didn't know what to say in response to that. "Well Geller," he said finally, "if you ever improve your running, we'd love to see you back here."  
  
Ross nodded, not being able to answer. If he improved? Was he saying that he doubted that he could? He walked into the locker rooms, head down and eyes glued on the ground in front of him.  
  
The other members of the team were mostly gone already, and Ross was glad of this. He slides into the shower, turning the water to as cold as possible.  
  
Twenty minutes later he emerged, hair wet and sticking up in all different directions, causing Monica to burst out laughing once she'd seen him. Rachel looked at him with slight concern, and Ross realized that she and Monica were the only ones left on the field.  
  
"What'd the Coach want to talk to you about?" Rachel asked as they started walking home.  
  
  
  
"Wanted to complain about my speed. Told him that I didn't want to slow the other guys down, so I quit." Ross said it all in an emotionless voice, staring blankly at the ground ahead of him.  
  
"You quit the team?" All the humor was gone from Monica's voice when she asked this, staring at her brother in surprise.  
  
He nodded saying nothing, and the girls didn't press him to.  
  
Ross hoped he'd done the right thing in quitting the team. If he had listened to the Coach, he reasoned, there was no telling what could've happened. He sighed quietly to himself, his thoughts not making him feel any better.  
  
But when he looked up and saw Rachel smiling at him, his sprits lifted. The two teens made eye contact, and a beam of understanding past between them. Ross's own lips curled into a small smile, and Rachel's widened.  
  
Ross reached over, connecting his hand with Rachel's.  
  
Monica pretended to throw up when she saw them holding hands. Ross rolled his eyes, and Rachel simply smiled at her friend, giving Ross's hand a little squeeze.  
  
The older boy squeezed back, and they completed the walk home in silence. Ross still had some doubts about his decision to quit, but for the moment he didn't care. All he cared about was the girl walking beside him, and he smiled, knowing she cared about him too.  
  
[A/N  
  
Sorry again for the long wait. It's not my fault, blame school! Also, this fic is going to have two more chapters, and maybe an epilogue too. These will probably be just straightening things out, and one is going to have lotssa Ross and Rachel goodness…  
  
Oh yeah, in one of the reviews, someone said that Rachel was out of character. I've noticed that too, and am trying to work on it. But I needed her to be sort of motherly in this fic, so that's why I made her like that. And as that reviewer also pointed out, it's my story and I can do anything I want! If I want to make Rachel all… un Rachel like, I can do that. If I want to make Monica and King Cong get into a duel, and have Phoebe and Chandler dance a waltz while the Rug Rats theme is playing, I can! This is what happens when I have homework over load and not enough sleep ^_^  
  
Well, hoped ya enjoyed this chapter, and review pleasie!  
  
Bye, off to bed…  
  
L_angel] 


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